I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need moral support for this bender
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
