onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
