honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
