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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am mentally ready for anal.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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