We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
