...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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