My friends, they love my intelligence
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
