Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
