If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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