chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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