Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
