I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
