I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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