The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
