my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
