Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
