So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
