there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
