tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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