Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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