I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
