all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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