Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
