just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he thought i was a dude.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
