I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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