My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm too high and old for this...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
