Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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