She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
