you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
