Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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