I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
