you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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