I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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