The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
