Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
