a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize