Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
