You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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