I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
