Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
