You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
