So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
