There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
