I'm jealous of your bromance
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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