My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
