Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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