i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
