So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your penis caused this!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
