she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
