Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
