ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
