We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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