its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
