Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My life is pants optional.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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