Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
