At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
