that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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