Pappa wants mamma naked
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
