Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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