walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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