come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
