i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
