I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
