Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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