just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
