What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
