Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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