Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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