dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Pants are for mortals
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
