Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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