Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
