you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
